Nicaragua '09

Sorry it's taken me so long to blog about our trip. Here it goes!

First of all, I want to again thank all those who have given toward our trip. God bless you abundantly. There is no way that I could have gone without your support.

It's amazing how every year God shows up in different ways. This year has especially been different than any other year. The difference has been that I really have realized some of the things that God has gifted me with and am able to apply those things here at home.

In 2007, we went to South Africa. After coming back, I was amazed how God had transformed my heart not so much for the nationals as for the teens here in the states. It brought me great joy to see their lives being changed on this trip.

In 2008, I was prophesied over by a national of the Dominican Republic that I would go many places. God's gifts and calling began to manifest in my life and I am still discovering all of what those are. I was so blessed by one national in particular named Juan Carlos Tejeda. God is going to use him mightily to impact his nation (the Dominican Republic.)

Since 2007, my heart has honestly strayed from missions. It's amazing that I have gone the past two years to the Dominican Republic and Nicaragua. But this year, God has re-light the fire and passion of missions in my heart. My former youth pastor (now executive pastor) Jon Zondervan has been a cheerleader in my life since I started helping out with youth at Radiant Church (Resurrection Life Church then) in 2004, while I was gone a year in South Africa in 2005 and especially since I have moved to Kalamazoo in 2006 up to today. He has always been there to encourage me when life seemed like death and also in the times of celebration. Never telling me what to do but praying for me and allowing the Holy Spirit to show up big in my life.

This year, I felt like the Holy Spirit was telling me, "This trip is a gift from Abba Father." I felt that way the whole time. It was hard to accept that I was going but I just began to thank God for His gift to me. I am learning that I don't have to be perfect to be in His Kingdom. He sent His Son to die for my shortcomings, my failure and mess-ups. His mercies are new every morning. GREAT is His faithfulness. I can say confidently that really I deserve nothing but it is His gift to me.

I want to share a couple of testimonies with you that happened on the trip this year to Nicaragua. First of all, I want to give you a backdrop of what this trip was about. We were gone for 8 days in Nicaragua. (Nicaragua is in Central America between Honduras and Costa Rica.) A lot of our trip involved drama and passing out flyers. The flyers were advertising a 2-day crusade that was to take place the last couple of days we were there in the capital city of Managua. Every day, we would travel to 3-5 places, the teens would perform their dramas and we would have a call for salvation and healing. Many were saved and healed during that time.

Later in the week, we also had a men's conference, women's conference and children's crusade. I obviously did not go to the men's conference, but the women's conference was incredible as well as the children's crusade.

At the women's conference, a well-known speaker named Lisa Bevere spoke the women and we were able to pray with various women after her speaking time. As I prayed over a few women, I could feel the heartache in their souls. I asked the Holy Spirit to comfort them. They are very oppressed by the men in the country as is very common in many third world countries. They have so much to offer but are shut up because they are women. God began to heal many broken hearts that day and I believe with all my heart that He is continuing that process even today as I write this.

The children's crusade was a fun time of candy and games! The kids were so eager to play and it was such a joy to be a part of it!

What I want to mainly focus on is the 2-day national crusade that was held the last 2 days we were there. Over 50,000 people showed up to hear the good news that Jesus Christ saves and heals! The nights started out with songs and much worship and praise. The people came expecting to hear from God and receive a miracle. After the music, was preaching. There is nothing eloquent about the way the message was presented but the power of God came and the people's ears were open and ready to hear the good news. Many received salvation! Praise God!

After the salvation message was preached, there was an area where the sick were placed. Our team of 250 people, came to that place and began to pray over the sick. (I am getting chills just typing this!) One incident in particular was of a girl who had head trauma. I am not sure exactly what happened to her but she could not walk or speak. She seemed almost a vegetable. It was as if nothing was registering. We began to gather around her and pray for her. When praying over trauma, there is physical and mental things that go on as well as spiritual. We began to address all three. Over and over I said, "She belongs to Jesus. This child belongs to Jesus." I don't even know why I began to say that but that is what popped out of my mouth. This girl began to walk and say over and over again, "Santo, santo, santo" which means, "Holy, holy, holy" in Spanish. WOW! What an amazing thing that God did through us that night! Sometimes we Americans will say something in Spanish, so that the national will begin to open their mouths and speak the truth of Jesus Christ but this girl began to say, "Santo, santo, santo" all by herself!!! God is so incredible. He is amazing!!!

I would share more testimonies but it would take a book to write all the things that God did that week.

A few days ago, I went to the Kalamazoo Gospel Mission and God used me here to serve food to the poor in our community. At first it was hard to not get judgmental as I heard people being picky with what they did and didn't want. I began to quickly shift my focus to those who were thankful instead and began to smile at each person as they walked through the line. Suddenly everything changed when I smiled at them and their faces lit up. It was as if they were dead and life was breathed in them. The breath of God. We truely are ambassadors for Christ in this lost and dying world. Really... REALLY... there is really NO hope in this world. I have come to terms with that. I cannot find happiness outside of knowing Christ Jesus and Him alone. I think of Paul when he talks about all of his accolades and at the very end saying that it's all just rubbish compared to knowing Christ. He was a very educated man and he had many things to be proud of but he found the one thing that would give him real life--- Christ Jesus. Not that those things weren't good because they were, but he was comparing them to knowing Christ. I could look at all the things I've done and all the experiences that I've had and even this last mission trip to Nicaragua and pride myself on everything. I have a lot of amazing experiences already in life but NOTHING compares to knowing Christ. He is my life source.

I hope you have enjoyed hearing about Nicaragua. Life is a faith journey.

House of Hope

"Is not this the kind of fasting I have chosen: to loose the chains of injustice and untie the cords of the yoke, to set the oppressed free and break every yoke? Is it not to share your food with the hungry and to provide the poor wanderer with shelter---when you see the naked to clothe him, and not to turn away from your own flesh and blood? Then your light will break forth like the dawn, and your healing will quickly appear; then your righteousness will go before you, and the glory of the Lord will be your rear guard..."
-Isaiah 58

"Arise, shine, for your light has come, and the glory of the Lord rises upon you. See, darkness covers the earth and thick darkness is over the peoples, but the Lord rises upon you and His glory appears over you. Nations will come to your light, and kings to the brightness of your dawn. Lift up your eyes and look about you: all assemble and come to you; your sons come from afar, and your daughters are carried on the arm. Then you will look and be radiant, your heart will swell with joy; the wealth o the seas will be brought to you, to you the riches of the nations will come."
-Isaiah 60:1-5

"The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is on me, because the Lord has anointed me to preach good news to the poor. He has set me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners, to proclaim the year of the Lord's favor and the day of vengeance of our God, to comfort all who mourn, and provide for those who grieve in Zion---to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair..."
-Isaiah 61

"The Spirit of the Lord is on me, because he has anointed me to preach good news to the poor. He has sent me to proclaim freedom for the prisoners and recovery of sight for the blind, to release the oppressed, to proclaim the year of the Lord's favor."
-Luke 4:18-19

"how God anointed Jesus of Nazareth with the Holy Spirit and power, and how He went around doing good and healing al who were oppressed by the devil, because God was with Him."
-Acts 10:38



6 years ago, the Spirit spoke to me out of Isaiah 61. It became my life chapter. I believe will all of my heart that each and every one of us are called to live Isaiah 61, but the Lord put such a stirring in my heart for this chapter and I did not really know why at the time. I now am seeing Him unfold so many things that confirm why this chapter is my life calling.

Last winter I met a wonderful woman of God named Val Norton. She introduced me to what's called the House of Hope. I had first seen the House of Hope online when I accepted the ministry as a friend on myspace. I did not think very much of it and helping abused teens was not something I thought would ever become a huge part of my life. I had already been helping in the youth group at church for several years and it just seemed like a lot was very "surfacy." I was struggling as a single girl, just trying to make it in life and feeling so trapped myself. I'm not going to go into a lot of detail here on my blog, but I just want to say that I went through hell for a while. I was not able to reach out because I was so oppressed myself by years and years of pain.

This past winter I cried out to the Lord for help. I was so desperate I didn't want to live anymore. He heard my cry and drew me out of deep waters and it has been an upward climb since then. Although I would like to share every detail on here--- #1 It would be a very long blog and #2 it's just to personal to share. What I do want to say that I was very oppressed as in Acts 10:38 and I have received a lot of deliverance and am continuing to heal.

It has been amazing because through all of the pain, the Lord is bringing such beauty and really launching me into my destiny and purpose for my life----Isaiah 61 and now also Isaiah 58. Out of my pain and healing, I am able to pour out to teens the love of Christ and the Lord is giving them "...beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning and a garment of praise for a spirit of despair..."

So what IS the House of Hope? The House of Hope is a nationwide organization founded in Orlando, FL, and spreads throughout the whole U.S. These House of Hope(s) are actual homes that house up to 8 teens. These teens live in these homes full time, receive 24/7 attention and care, receive counseling, hook in with a healthy local churches youth group and some House of Hope(s) even have a boarding school. The program lasts from 6 months to a year or longer (depending on the needs of the teen). There are also weekly parent meetings which the parents are required to attend. House of Hope is about joining families together and bringing not only healing to the teen but to whole family. Our House of Hope will be under the umbrella of my local church "Radiant Church." For more information, you can go to our website at: www.swmihoh.org

Greater things are yet to come. Greater are still to be done in this city! And not only in this city, but also in this region!

God is setting His people free and healing His people.

Stay tuned for more about the House of Hope in the future... =)

The Cry for Spiritual Fathers & Mothers

Inside of every woman,, there is a little girl who cries out, "Look at me, daddy! Look what I made! Look what I can show you!" We joke around about princesses and the beauty being rescued by her prince. I'm not trying to sound like any John or Staci Eldridge book, but it's a harsh reality that cloaks our generation. For goodness sakes, where are the fathers? Where are the "daddy's"? A child looks at their father as a reflection of their heavenly father instinctively from birth. Dad's are the heroes! But what if dad has left? He is gone? Did God leave, too? What if dad is there but is distant? Is that how God is? What if there was abuse either done by "daddy" or by another? If by another, where was daddy? Where was God? Where IS God? Our generation is growing up fatherless, either physically, mentally, emotionally or all of the above. What is happening in our generation? Is there not a lack of love? Why are the bodies of so many young girls wasting away, teeth rotting out and the unfathomable scars of the slicing and cutting to distract from the pain of the human heart. Why are so many oppressed? God, please set the captives free! Bring us the spiritual fathers and mothers for this generation that are so desperately needed. Stop the cutting, the eating disorders, the suicide, the homosexual lifestyle, the violence and rage of this generation. Bring the love of the FATHER to the hearts of the children. Take away the guilt and shame that keeps these things so hidden, God. Things that lurk in darkness for years. The lies that linger and whisper death every day. Call us to yourself. Teach us how to love.
Father, we call on Your Name. Father... our Father...
Help us, God.

Arise!

As I reflect back, I am so thankful that the Lord did not keep me in my former state. My life has been shaken in ways I can't explain and He is making all things new. This past year, I felt in my spirit that a shifting is going to take place. I'm overwhelmed at the confirmations over and over of each area of my life. It's like God is saying, "Yes, this is confirming that from many years ago & this is confirming this other thing over here." There's a penetrating force of attack and as the body of Christ we should not unaware of the devil's schemes. But we are ARISING and SHINING as radiant lights in the midst of the abyss of a hellish darkness in this world that the prince of the power of the air roams about in. WE are overcoming by the blood of the lamb and the word of our testimony. We must not get caught up in offense, in petty arguements in comparison and jealousy, in pride or fear. We must pray for our leaders and love one another as Christ has loved us. We must have childlike faith to believe that God is going to do the impossible. We must allow the Father to come heal the brokenhearted and not pretend like we are not as we are. We are broken, but He will fix us. And He will heal us as we reach out in His power to bring healing to others. We must not wallow in self-pity and self-absorbence. Everything matters. Lives are at stake for the Kingdom. We will gather and pray and fast and worship and seek HIM until He abides in this region. And we will not stop until every power of darkness and hellish force of evil runs out of this region. The Name of JESUS will be lifted high and He will reign in every area---amongst the greatest and the least of these. We will be rich in every way and His Kingdom will reign from everlasting to everlasting through every day, ordinary people like us.
Isaiah 58 *Isaiah 60 * Isaiah 61 * Luke 4

God of this City

WOW! Sunday's message was a huge milestone in my life! Pastor Lee talked about the book of Nehemiah (encourage you to read the whole book) and as Nehemiah rebuilt the walls of Jerusalem, so are we to rebuild the walls of our city. The title of the message was called, "God of this City."
Many years ago, my brother's best friend, Richee Parks, used to hold discipleship classes in an old, run down school building where I grew up. Richee came from New Mexico and spent 10 months in the town that I grew up in. He has been very influential in my life including the fact that he was Kurt's first and closest (still yet closest) friend right after he completely turned his life around. I was probably 15 or 16 when I met Richee. He had such a passion to see change in my city. Every week, he would hold the discipleship classes and I would learn so much. A lot about thankfulness. We would always start out with intense worship and then he would go into teaching. Many times as a teenager, I thought that he was crazy, but I was hungry for God and I wanted ALL of Him. Every Friday, Kurt, Richee, me & later Richee's wife Gracie would meet in a church and cry out to God for change in our city. Hours and hours were spent in prayer. Personally, I would go home from school and lay on my floor and bawl and bawl for my classmates. I started a prayer group in junior high and then later a bible study at SEVEN A.M. in my high school. I had such a low self-image of myself that a lot of times that got in the way. I felt so alone but yet I was so hungry for God. Once I was so desperate I went on a juice fast for 10 days crying out for change in my city. I would map out streets and go on my own prayer walks. I would pray over the strongholds of Masonry, Science Church and other places where I felt there to be more darkness. Once the Holy Spirit told me to march around my school 7 times and pray over it. Another time the Holy Spirit tugged my heart to share with my principal the heart that I had for my school and the change that God wanted to do there. He was convicted as I poured out my heart for the lost in my school. I had such favor and I was able to do a lot of things that the other kids couldn't. I often felt alone, though. One of my friends committed suicide and that was very hard. I remember talking on the phone with Gracie one night. All she said was, "It's not your fault" and miraculously all the guilt and condemnation was gone. The pain was still there, but I no longer blamed it on myself.
One day, I remembered Richee encouraging us to read Nehemiah. I started reading it and couldn't stop. Richee often referred to Nehemiah when rebuilding the walls of our city. Richee is crazy for Jesus and I love him and Gracie so much. Nehemiah and Esther have been on my heart for a long time.
After leaving my hometown for good at the end of 2004, I felt very discouraged. My expectation level was that God was going to rock my city and that I would see it before my very eyes. A lot of seeds were planted, a lot of pain. I don't even know if it was godly sorrow or worldy sorrow, honestly, at times. I felt like God didn't hear. But He DID.
New hope has risen in me. Maybe I was trying to take on strongholds and principalities as a single person sometimes. Yes, God can do anything at any time, but He wants to work with us as a body. He has brought me to no better of a local body than Radiant Church. I'm so thankful and very overwhelmed in a good way at everything that He is doing. Sometimes it seems too good to be true. There were so many years of no fruit, but now I know that that is going to change. It's not just a new season that we are going into; it's going to be a different world. Hell is mad as ____ (trying to make a strong point), but Kalamazoo, Battle Creek & the surrounding areas will be known as a region where the Name of Jesus is lifted high!
Please be praying for our church leadership in this exciting and intense time. It's time to take Jesus out of the four walls of the church and let everything be shaken that can possibly be shaken.

Do you lose yourself in marriage?

My biggest fear is losing myself in marriage. Me marrying someone and not really becoming everything that God desired for my life. Or marrying somone who walks in the same patterns of what I have seen and am twistedly comfortable with. It's been me and Jesus for so long that sometimes it is hard to imagine sharing myself with someone else other than Him alone. I fear no choices, no life anymore. I have been thinking more so about marriage since my brother just recently was married a couple of weeks ago. All the thoughts of, "What if I marry the wrong person?" "What if I marry someone and they end up being a completely different person after I marry them and then I'm stuck?" "What if I marry into abuse?" "Would I be safe to express myself and be able to choose as an individual and voice my opinion and it actually matter?" "What about all the passions of my heart? Will they have to die to the one I am marrying?" All of these are fear-based thoughts, not faith-based. There will always be risk in any relationship. That is life and that is part of loving. I would pray that the Holy Spirit would knock me up side the head if I was making a life-altering, non-reversible bad choice, but unfortunately He doesn't work like that. I'm glad that He doesn't, but sometimes with things like this, I wish He would give us a whack if we were making a regretful decision. All I know is to stay as close to Jesus as I know how and listen to the Holy Spirit and not be resistant to Him. Marriage seems like a scary thing. It's like looking into a dark body of water and not being able to see what's on the bottom. Sometimes I think that I don't trust myself enough to make the right decision. This is freaking the rest of your life spent with someone as one flesh! For a long, long time! 60/70 years! This is definitely a big deal. I want to be as close to Jesus as I can. Nothing is 100% but Him, but we were made for relationship, made for intimacy. That is why Eve was created out of Adam's rib. Fellowship, companionship, intimacy. So... "Do you lose yourself in marriage?" Overall, I believe that if you are as close to Jesus as you know how to be that He will bring exactly what you need and instead of losing yourself, you will die to the flesh, but yet flourish as one flesh and life will become so much more as one than as two individuals. You will bring each other out in one another. No reserves. No regrets. You will find much more than what you thought life could be as a single person. But Jesus always is the center through it all. When you find Him, you cannot lose yourself, because it is found in HIM.

Bitter Root Judgements & Bitter Root Expectations

Recently, I have learned from a very wonderful and wise woman, Val Norton, about bitter root judgements and bitter root expectations. You can forgive someone but still have a bitter root of judgement or expectation against them. Val walked us through this past weekend, asking the Holy Spirit to reveal any bitter roots of judgement of expectation that we had towards a person or people. I found out that I had people who I had been bitterly judging that I needed to let go of. It is one thing to forgive, I learned, but if you are continuing to judge, there is still a root of bitterness there. For example in a bitter root judgement, someone could think, "This person is manipulative and controlling and domineering." That may be true of them, but as we judge that person and always see them in that light, we will forever be bitter about it. A generalization of a bitter root judgement would be, "He is domineering, controlling & manipulative; therefore, every man is that same way." A bitter root expectation is, "She always does this. Why wouldn't she do this? This is what always happens." You expect someone to act a certain way; therefore, it's a self-fufilling prophecy of what you always expect. All these things may be true, but when we are judging with a heart of bitterness, we are not completely free from the offense, the unforgiveness. We are still holding them captive when it's really us who are the captive. Like Isaiah 61 talks about, "releasing from prison those who are bound." Captive to bitter root judgements and captive to sin in general. I want to encourage you to ask the Holy Spirit to reveal to you if there are any bitter root judgements or expectations towards a person or people in your life. It will hinder every area of your life. Get rid of the sin that so easily ensnares and run to Jesus!