As I reflect back, I am so thankful that the Lord did not keep me in my former state. My life has been shaken in ways I can't explain and He is making all things new. This past year, I felt in my spirit that a shifting is going to take place. I'm overwhelmed at the confirmations over and over of each area of my life. It's like God is saying, "Yes, this is confirming that from many years ago & this is confirming this other thing over here." There's a penetrating force of attack and as the body of Christ we should not unaware of the devil's schemes. But we are ARISING and SHINING as radiant lights in the midst of the abyss of a hellish darkness in this world that the prince of the power of the air roams about in. WE are overcoming by the blood of the lamb and the word of our testimony. We must not get caught up in offense, in petty arguements in comparison and jealousy, in pride or fear. We must pray for our leaders and love one another as Christ has loved us. We must have childlike faith to believe that God is going to do the impossible. We must allow the Father to come heal the brokenhearted and not pretend like we are not as we are. We are broken, but He will fix us. And He will heal us as we reach out in His power to bring healing to others. We must not wallow in self-pity and self-absorbence. Everything matters. Lives are at stake for the Kingdom. We will gather and pray and fast and worship and seek HIM until He abides in this region. And we will not stop until every power of darkness and hellish force of evil runs out of this region. The Name of JESUS will be lifted high and He will reign in every area---amongst the greatest and the least of these. We will be rich in every way and His Kingdom will reign from everlasting to everlasting through every day, ordinary people like us.
Isaiah 58 *Isaiah 60 * Isaiah 61 * Luke 4
Monday, September 22, 2008
Tuesday, September 9, 2008
God of this City
WOW! Sunday's message was a huge milestone in my life! Pastor Lee talked about the book of Nehemiah (encourage you to read the whole book) and as Nehemiah rebuilt the walls of Jerusalem, so are we to rebuild the walls of our city. The title of the message was called, "God of this City."
Many years ago, my brother's best friend, Richee Parks, used to hold discipleship classes in an old, run down school building where I grew up. Richee came from New Mexico and spent 10 months in the town that I grew up in. He has been very influential in my life including the fact that he was Kurt's first and closest (still yet closest) friend right after he completely turned his life around. I was probably 15 or 16 when I met Richee. He had such a passion to see change in my city. Every week, he would hold the discipleship classes and I would learn so much. A lot about thankfulness. We would always start out with intense worship and then he would go into teaching. Many times as a teenager, I thought that he was crazy, but I was hungry for God and I wanted ALL of Him. Every Friday, Kurt, Richee, me & later Richee's wife Gracie would meet in a church and cry out to God for change in our city. Hours and hours were spent in prayer. Personally, I would go home from school and lay on my floor and bawl and bawl for my classmates. I started a prayer group in junior high and then later a bible study at SEVEN A.M. in my high school. I had such a low self-image of myself that a lot of times that got in the way. I felt so alone but yet I was so hungry for God. Once I was so desperate I went on a juice fast for 10 days crying out for change in my city. I would map out streets and go on my own prayer walks. I would pray over the strongholds of Masonry, Science Church and other places where I felt there to be more darkness. Once the Holy Spirit told me to march around my school 7 times and pray over it. Another time the Holy Spirit tugged my heart to share with my principal the heart that I had for my school and the change that God wanted to do there. He was convicted as I poured out my heart for the lost in my school. I had such favor and I was able to do a lot of things that the other kids couldn't. I often felt alone, though. One of my friends committed suicide and that was very hard. I remember talking on the phone with Gracie one night. All she said was, "It's not your fault" and miraculously all the guilt and condemnation was gone. The pain was still there, but I no longer blamed it on myself.
One day, I remembered Richee encouraging us to read Nehemiah. I started reading it and couldn't stop. Richee often referred to Nehemiah when rebuilding the walls of our city. Richee is crazy for Jesus and I love him and Gracie so much. Nehemiah and Esther have been on my heart for a long time.
After leaving my hometown for good at the end of 2004, I felt very discouraged. My expectation level was that God was going to rock my city and that I would see it before my very eyes. A lot of seeds were planted, a lot of pain. I don't even know if it was godly sorrow or worldy sorrow, honestly, at times. I felt like God didn't hear. But He DID.
New hope has risen in me. Maybe I was trying to take on strongholds and principalities as a single person sometimes. Yes, God can do anything at any time, but He wants to work with us as a body. He has brought me to no better of a local body than Radiant Church. I'm so thankful and very overwhelmed in a good way at everything that He is doing. Sometimes it seems too good to be true. There were so many years of no fruit, but now I know that that is going to change. It's not just a new season that we are going into; it's going to be a different world. Hell is mad as ____ (trying to make a strong point), but Kalamazoo, Battle Creek & the surrounding areas will be known as a region where the Name of Jesus is lifted high!
Please be praying for our church leadership in this exciting and intense time. It's time to take Jesus out of the four walls of the church and let everything be shaken that can possibly be shaken.
Many years ago, my brother's best friend, Richee Parks, used to hold discipleship classes in an old, run down school building where I grew up. Richee came from New Mexico and spent 10 months in the town that I grew up in. He has been very influential in my life including the fact that he was Kurt's first and closest (still yet closest) friend right after he completely turned his life around. I was probably 15 or 16 when I met Richee. He had such a passion to see change in my city. Every week, he would hold the discipleship classes and I would learn so much. A lot about thankfulness. We would always start out with intense worship and then he would go into teaching. Many times as a teenager, I thought that he was crazy, but I was hungry for God and I wanted ALL of Him. Every Friday, Kurt, Richee, me & later Richee's wife Gracie would meet in a church and cry out to God for change in our city. Hours and hours were spent in prayer. Personally, I would go home from school and lay on my floor and bawl and bawl for my classmates. I started a prayer group in junior high and then later a bible study at SEVEN A.M. in my high school. I had such a low self-image of myself that a lot of times that got in the way. I felt so alone but yet I was so hungry for God. Once I was so desperate I went on a juice fast for 10 days crying out for change in my city. I would map out streets and go on my own prayer walks. I would pray over the strongholds of Masonry, Science Church and other places where I felt there to be more darkness. Once the Holy Spirit told me to march around my school 7 times and pray over it. Another time the Holy Spirit tugged my heart to share with my principal the heart that I had for my school and the change that God wanted to do there. He was convicted as I poured out my heart for the lost in my school. I had such favor and I was able to do a lot of things that the other kids couldn't. I often felt alone, though. One of my friends committed suicide and that was very hard. I remember talking on the phone with Gracie one night. All she said was, "It's not your fault" and miraculously all the guilt and condemnation was gone. The pain was still there, but I no longer blamed it on myself.
One day, I remembered Richee encouraging us to read Nehemiah. I started reading it and couldn't stop. Richee often referred to Nehemiah when rebuilding the walls of our city. Richee is crazy for Jesus and I love him and Gracie so much. Nehemiah and Esther have been on my heart for a long time.
After leaving my hometown for good at the end of 2004, I felt very discouraged. My expectation level was that God was going to rock my city and that I would see it before my very eyes. A lot of seeds were planted, a lot of pain. I don't even know if it was godly sorrow or worldy sorrow, honestly, at times. I felt like God didn't hear. But He DID.
New hope has risen in me. Maybe I was trying to take on strongholds and principalities as a single person sometimes. Yes, God can do anything at any time, but He wants to work with us as a body. He has brought me to no better of a local body than Radiant Church. I'm so thankful and very overwhelmed in a good way at everything that He is doing. Sometimes it seems too good to be true. There were so many years of no fruit, but now I know that that is going to change. It's not just a new season that we are going into; it's going to be a different world. Hell is mad as ____ (trying to make a strong point), but Kalamazoo, Battle Creek & the surrounding areas will be known as a region where the Name of Jesus is lifted high!
Please be praying for our church leadership in this exciting and intense time. It's time to take Jesus out of the four walls of the church and let everything be shaken that can possibly be shaken.
Tuesday, September 2, 2008
Do you lose yourself in marriage?
My biggest fear is losing myself in marriage. Me marrying someone and not really becoming everything that God desired for my life. Or marrying somone who walks in the same patterns of what I have seen and am twistedly comfortable with. It's been me and Jesus for so long that sometimes it is hard to imagine sharing myself with someone else other than Him alone. I fear no choices, no life anymore. I have been thinking more so about marriage since my brother just recently was married a couple of weeks ago. All the thoughts of, "What if I marry the wrong person?" "What if I marry someone and they end up being a completely different person after I marry them and then I'm stuck?" "What if I marry into abuse?" "Would I be safe to express myself and be able to choose as an individual and voice my opinion and it actually matter?" "What about all the passions of my heart? Will they have to die to the one I am marrying?" All of these are fear-based thoughts, not faith-based. There will always be risk in any relationship. That is life and that is part of loving. I would pray that the Holy Spirit would knock me up side the head if I was making a life-altering, non-reversible bad choice, but unfortunately He doesn't work like that. I'm glad that He doesn't, but sometimes with things like this, I wish He would give us a whack if we were making a regretful decision. All I know is to stay as close to Jesus as I know how and listen to the Holy Spirit and not be resistant to Him. Marriage seems like a scary thing. It's like looking into a dark body of water and not being able to see what's on the bottom. Sometimes I think that I don't trust myself enough to make the right decision. This is freaking the rest of your life spent with someone as one flesh! For a long, long time! 60/70 years! This is definitely a big deal. I want to be as close to Jesus as I can. Nothing is 100% but Him, but we were made for relationship, made for intimacy. That is why Eve was created out of Adam's rib. Fellowship, companionship, intimacy. So... "Do you lose yourself in marriage?" Overall, I believe that if you are as close to Jesus as you know how to be that He will bring exactly what you need and instead of losing yourself, you will die to the flesh, but yet flourish as one flesh and life will become so much more as one than as two individuals. You will bring each other out in one another. No reserves. No regrets. You will find much more than what you thought life could be as a single person. But Jesus always is the center through it all. When you find Him, you cannot lose yourself, because it is found in HIM.
Bitter Root Judgements & Bitter Root Expectations
Recently, I have learned from a very wonderful and wise woman, Val Norton, about bitter root judgements and bitter root expectations. You can forgive someone but still have a bitter root of judgement or expectation against them. Val walked us through this past weekend, asking the Holy Spirit to reveal any bitter roots of judgement of expectation that we had towards a person or people. I found out that I had people who I had been bitterly judging that I needed to let go of. It is one thing to forgive, I learned, but if you are continuing to judge, there is still a root of bitterness there. For example in a bitter root judgement, someone could think, "This person is manipulative and controlling and domineering." That may be true of them, but as we judge that person and always see them in that light, we will forever be bitter about it. A generalization of a bitter root judgement would be, "He is domineering, controlling & manipulative; therefore, every man is that same way." A bitter root expectation is, "She always does this. Why wouldn't she do this? This is what always happens." You expect someone to act a certain way; therefore, it's a self-fufilling prophecy of what you always expect. All these things may be true, but when we are judging with a heart of bitterness, we are not completely free from the offense, the unforgiveness. We are still holding them captive when it's really us who are the captive. Like Isaiah 61 talks about, "releasing from prison those who are bound." Captive to bitter root judgements and captive to sin in general. I want to encourage you to ask the Holy Spirit to reveal to you if there are any bitter root judgements or expectations towards a person or people in your life. It will hinder every area of your life. Get rid of the sin that so easily ensnares and run to Jesus!
What, NO SUGAR?!?
Wow, it has been almost a month since I've last blogged. Partly because I've been busy and partly because a lot of things that the Lord has been speaking to me about have been too personal to blog. Areas of such tenderness that it's hard to even go there myself let alone blog about. Yet He is so gentle, loving & patient and gives us what we can handle as we cleave to Him.
This past year my whole world has been rocked and God is making all things new. Not just new AGAIN... but a whole NEW NEWNESS.
In February, I went and had some tests done and they said that I have candida. Everyone is supposed to have a certain amount of candida (yeast) in their body, but an overgrowth can be very dangerous for your organs. Candida is caused from a high sugar diet, high stress over a long period of time, an over abundance of antibiotics and/or steriods or all of the above. Basically, your organs get sick because of an overgrowth of yeast in your body that pours into the bloodstream as poison/toxins. I had a very unhealthy eating regime and high stress in my life for a long period of time which led to the candida. I became very toxic because of stress, toxic emotions, extremely high sugar diet & not a lot of nutritious food at all. I was instructed to take natural pills and change my diet. Well... I am stubborn, so I did take the pills but I didn't exactly change my diet. I was NOT going to give up my numbing "drug" aka sugar so easily! The candida wreaked havoc on my body (which I won't go into---you can just google candida for symptoms) and something needed to change. I have decided to completely go off sugar and white flour for life and off all bread (even natural whole grain), dairy and fermented things for at least 3 months. I have not been perfect and I have to cheat at times with dairy & fermented things, but sugar is out of the question for me as it was affecting my central nervous system and causing all kinds of problems. There is a natural subsitute called Stevia that I love to use and is so much better for you and tastes better than sugar. I was severely addicted to sugar as would someone who was addicted to illegal drugs. This is just the tip of the iceburg of what God has been doing in my life. If I were to recall this past year, I think that I could write a book on it. There is no way that any of what is going on could happen without the Lord. He is so good.
I am at a very scary yet exciting time in my life. A lot of things are shifting and changing at what seems lightning speed! God doesn't call us to live lives of comfort. He wants His perfect will to be lived out in our lives. The past couple of days I have been saying to the Lord, "Convict me. Come and have Your way. I surrender. I want ALL of You. Whatever that looks like, I want it ALL." In the midst of so many options, I choose HIM. Even Him SHARING me in intimacy. That brings a whole new scary yet mysterious and profound perspective and shift to life. I am not my own. I was bought with a price, so I honor God will all that I am and all that I have to give. I give Him my heart, soul, mind & strength. My identity is found in Who HE is.
So, right now I am detoxing and the first 2 weeks were like hell with terrible cravings and irritability. I am still detoxing and my candida levels are, I believe, starting to level out. My ears have been popping since last May, so I am praying as I am detoxing, that my ears will also "detox" of candida. Please pray that the popping will cease as it's hard to describe the frusteration of day after day feeling like you are on an airplane and the pressures rises and your ears begin to pop. Yet with this, there is no suringe to clean them out with or gum to chew to make the popping go away.
I am so thankful and I rejoice for everything that God has done and is doing and orchestrating at this very moment! I didn't know that life could be so different. I am thankful for my pastor, spiritual leader and covering--Pastor Lee; my youth pastor, spiritual covering, friend & constant encouragement and guider who has helped me in some of my darkest times--Pastor Jon; my mentor/motherly figure--Valerie Norton; my friend who has helped me when I was helpless, confused and afraid and also in some of my darkest times--Jes Jones. Also, I am thankful for Bill Johnson as I feel as though he has been a father figure to me. I am thankful for my friend, Jered, who has taught me that men are not domineering, controlling and manipulative... or scary. I have learned so much already about bitter root judgements, but that will be for another blog. Lastly, I am thankful for my family and my new sister, Abbey Johnson. =)
This blog was supposed to be about sugar, but I have a way of going in all directions. I just like to type what's on my heart to a certain extent.
I never want to lose my identity in someone else, but that is also for another blog...wow, they are adding up! =)
This past year my whole world has been rocked and God is making all things new. Not just new AGAIN... but a whole NEW NEWNESS.
In February, I went and had some tests done and they said that I have candida. Everyone is supposed to have a certain amount of candida (yeast) in their body, but an overgrowth can be very dangerous for your organs. Candida is caused from a high sugar diet, high stress over a long period of time, an over abundance of antibiotics and/or steriods or all of the above. Basically, your organs get sick because of an overgrowth of yeast in your body that pours into the bloodstream as poison/toxins. I had a very unhealthy eating regime and high stress in my life for a long period of time which led to the candida. I became very toxic because of stress, toxic emotions, extremely high sugar diet & not a lot of nutritious food at all. I was instructed to take natural pills and change my diet. Well... I am stubborn, so I did take the pills but I didn't exactly change my diet. I was NOT going to give up my numbing "drug" aka sugar so easily! The candida wreaked havoc on my body (which I won't go into---you can just google candida for symptoms) and something needed to change. I have decided to completely go off sugar and white flour for life and off all bread (even natural whole grain), dairy and fermented things for at least 3 months. I have not been perfect and I have to cheat at times with dairy & fermented things, but sugar is out of the question for me as it was affecting my central nervous system and causing all kinds of problems. There is a natural subsitute called Stevia that I love to use and is so much better for you and tastes better than sugar. I was severely addicted to sugar as would someone who was addicted to illegal drugs. This is just the tip of the iceburg of what God has been doing in my life. If I were to recall this past year, I think that I could write a book on it. There is no way that any of what is going on could happen without the Lord. He is so good.
I am at a very scary yet exciting time in my life. A lot of things are shifting and changing at what seems lightning speed! God doesn't call us to live lives of comfort. He wants His perfect will to be lived out in our lives. The past couple of days I have been saying to the Lord, "Convict me. Come and have Your way. I surrender. I want ALL of You. Whatever that looks like, I want it ALL." In the midst of so many options, I choose HIM. Even Him SHARING me in intimacy. That brings a whole new scary yet mysterious and profound perspective and shift to life. I am not my own. I was bought with a price, so I honor God will all that I am and all that I have to give. I give Him my heart, soul, mind & strength. My identity is found in Who HE is.
So, right now I am detoxing and the first 2 weeks were like hell with terrible cravings and irritability. I am still detoxing and my candida levels are, I believe, starting to level out. My ears have been popping since last May, so I am praying as I am detoxing, that my ears will also "detox" of candida. Please pray that the popping will cease as it's hard to describe the frusteration of day after day feeling like you are on an airplane and the pressures rises and your ears begin to pop. Yet with this, there is no suringe to clean them out with or gum to chew to make the popping go away.
I am so thankful and I rejoice for everything that God has done and is doing and orchestrating at this very moment! I didn't know that life could be so different. I am thankful for my pastor, spiritual leader and covering--Pastor Lee; my youth pastor, spiritual covering, friend & constant encouragement and guider who has helped me in some of my darkest times--Pastor Jon; my mentor/motherly figure--Valerie Norton; my friend who has helped me when I was helpless, confused and afraid and also in some of my darkest times--Jes Jones. Also, I am thankful for Bill Johnson as I feel as though he has been a father figure to me. I am thankful for my friend, Jered, who has taught me that men are not domineering, controlling and manipulative... or scary. I have learned so much already about bitter root judgements, but that will be for another blog. Lastly, I am thankful for my family and my new sister, Abbey Johnson. =)
This blog was supposed to be about sugar, but I have a way of going in all directions. I just like to type what's on my heart to a certain extent.
I never want to lose my identity in someone else, but that is also for another blog...wow, they are adding up! =)
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